Buddha on Friendship

According to Nettippakarana there are seven qualities by which you can judge a friend. He should be pleasant and loveable, respectful, worthy of emulation, willing to engage in useful conversation, willing to tolerate words, engages in profound talk and never exhorts groundlessly.

Today, the younger generation have a tendency to shun good advice and show resentment when their faults are pointed out by even parents. A stanza in the Dhammapada spells out a bit of excellent advice. "Someone who points out your mistakes, declare them as weaknesses and condemns them, think of such a person as one showing you a treasure.

Associate with wise people of that nature. (midhinam va pavattaram-yam passe vajja dassinam; niggayhavadim medhavi tadisam pabditam bhaje). This shows that a friend need not be always sweet and soft spoken, but could resort to constructive criticism.

How to win Friendship

The Buddha has explained how to win and keep friends. By being generous one can surely win friends (dadam mittani ganthati) and also by being courteous and benevolent. Rejoice in your friend's achievements, praise any commendable acts and strong points. But the Buddha says that if you always keep on talking of your friend's goodness, kindness, greatness and so on, then you are trying to deceive him. In dealing with friends, one's word should be as clean as the actions.

According to the Jataka Pali, striking a friendship is one, maintaining it is another. Buddha has given invaluable advice not only to keep the friendship but also to make the bonds stronger.

• One should not visit the friends too often or overstay the welcome.This changes the friend to a foe. If your friend loses something, then you may be under a cloud. Visiting a friend too often invariably leads to gossip, which will involve you in a vortex of trouble. Buddha says that, it is equally bad not to visit your friends at all. You should judge for yourself how often you should visit your friend, how long you should stay and so on.
• Buddha has pointed out that a friendship deteriorates by asking favours, especially at wrong times. If at all you ask a favour, it should not be unreasonable or of a demanding nature. Asking favours far too often makes you a pest more than a friend.

Buddhist Commentarial Tradition defines a friend thus:- "A friend is one whose association leads to spiritual profitability, protects you from evil that may befall you and is inclined towards your welfare."